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NaBloPoMo – Day 10

Day 10

What is the hardest part of a big project: getting the energy to begin, finding the time to work on it, or feeling down that it’s over?

For tech projects, it’s always been getting the energy to begin.  The Salesforce project has been ongoing, just in different “modules” we’ve done, over time.  Getting up for the next one has always been a challenge, regardless of any sort of feelings of accomplishment for the previous part of it.  Once we get some momentum going, once we’re in the thick of things, it’s easy to keep going, especially when the finish line is in nearby.  And once we’ve completed on a part, the biggest feeling when it’s done is relief.

For writing projects, it’s always been the energy to begin.  I get excited when I get the first idea, but once I outline and think about it and think about it and sometimes even talk about it, I feel the initial feeling of excitement and enthusiasm less and less.  That’s one of the reasons I’m doing NaNonFiWriMo.  I needed to just get going doing something.  Forget the stopping and the procrastination, I just had to go.

Once I get going, it’s pretty good.  Unless I write myself into a corner I don’t think I can get out of in the way things are going, I’m usually good.  These days, my idea is to just skip whatever I’m feeling blocked by.  We’ll see how that goes.

I don’t feel complete with anything until I get to a few drafts in and by then, after writing and rewriting, I’ve felt some accomplishment and I’m ready to move on.

The last time I directed, it was the first time I’d directed something by myself.  I’d only co-directed a play the year before.  So many fear bells were going off.

Do I really know what I’m doing?

People might see this.  What if I screw this up?

I wrote this play.  Am I too close to it to properly direct it?  Is it even any good?

As is pretty much always the case with play projects, there were definite start and end dates, so when it was time to go, I had no choice, no matter how much I wanted to run back screaming into my comfort zone.

Once it was going, things were easy.  I had a great cast and I didn’t have to give much direction, just make sure things were going the way I wanted and when things went better than the way I wanted, that I followed the way they went.  Those moments were great.  My actors were going to make me look better than I was.

I was down when it was over.  My actors did what I thought was a great job.  I was wishing we could start an ensemble and just keep doing plays again and again, but that wasn’t realistic.  Plus, I didn’t know when I’d get a production again as a writer or even, possibly, as a director.

Besides, I’ve always had fun working on plays and I’ve been sad pretty much each time the project has ended.  Each one has always been a small chapter in my life and completely rewarding.